I'm too young to feel this old

S0 the weekend was rotten. I went into a premenstrual funk on Saturday that led to my own deprivation. Jan and I were invited to her sister's for a clam steam and I was so miserable I didn't go...way to shoot myself in the foot once again.

I have been having these weird symptoms lately...tingling hands, burning feet, extreme muscle stiffness after limited exercise. I went to the doctor a few weeks ago, she ran some tests which all came back fine...but I am not fine so I go back again in a few days. I seriously feel like I am falling apart. The depression is the worst though, worse now since I stopped Prozac about six months ago - total mistake. So I need to get back on that and try to get the physical stuff under control as well. I feel like the mental fog is getting worse as well, can't articulate my thoughts coherently and just want to put my head down and sleep all day long. I told Jan that I have been feeling suicidal...I know she's worried. I also don't think I could do that to my kids so there it is...

This thing with Rosie O'Donnell also affected me way to strongly. I have been feeling like it's just more proof that women will never be able to speak their minds in this fucked up society without risking losing everything. Now Cindy Sheehan is packing up and giving up too. It all builds up in my brain and makes me feel so hopeless and helpless...nothing will ever get better as long as we have a bunch of criminals running things, and I don't see that changing soon enough to give me any hope for the future.

Then there is this new job I have which is slowly driving me crazy...the office I work in is like a morgue most days, and I feel I am not at all on solid ground yet so that makes my insecurities go through the roof.

I am sure I sound like the biggest whiner in the room, maybe the universe. Tough shit. Everything is shitty right now and that's just the way it is. I am tired of others trying to convince me otherwise...yes I do have days when I have a sense of humor and can see the good...but this ain't one of them.