Sometimes it all seems too fucking hard. Parenting two hormonal teenage girls, trying to have a relationship, a job, a house, a family, friends, cats and get the g-d breakfast dishes done...I think I am going to break apart some days.
Trying to put some limits on my girls, they are trying just as hard to become independent. Said to my partner last night I feel like I am in a five year race until the younger one is 18 and all I want is to get to the fininsh line...Meantime she is like a bull in a china shop, trying to assert HER authority over them, and me I think. I need to let her go, it ain't working and hasn't been and never will...what a relief that will be when the day finally comes. Need to stop baning my head against a wall to save something that isn't worth saving.
41 almost a week away (was it wrong of me to call the blog 41 and counting prematurely? oh who the hell cares). Maybe I will get my freedom for my birthday. There's an idea, if my partner says what do I want I will tell her a three bedroom apartment with an unlisted phone number. Love it!
Work...now that's another topic all together. Three months into a job and not feeling like I fit at all. Think I did so well to get the damn job and now I am lost. Trying to become a third member of a long standing team of two so I know I have to show some patience and deference. Just feel like I am not making a meaningful contribution. Patience, I need patience.
Like I said, sometimes it all seems too fucking hard.
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