April Showers

Well here is is April and here I am blogging...amazing! I always hesitate to go back and read past posts because I have such a tendency to change my mind that I sometimes wish I could erase them. But then I realize that there's no need to, I felt that way that day and today I may feel differently. And there's not one thing wrong with that.

What I feel differently about today is yet again the state of my relationship. Had a good session with Mary last night, I am more clear but again feel overwhelmed by all that there will be to do in order to get where I want to be. Jan and I see our couples therapist later this week, I wonder, will I be able to lower the boom? I am so ready...but not ready...Jan must sense it because she tried a couple of times to bait me into a fight last night but I wouldn't play. She can't not know by now that the end is near. But like Mary said I need to go slowly, pick two or three things that I am not willing to compromise on and stick to my guns...she sees where this is headed though and thankfully I am starting to see it and be OK with it as well. Like she said, it won't be popular with everyone but everyone isn't the one who is living this life!

On other fronts, I didn't even get an interview for the position I applied for at PDP which pisses me off indeed. Girls are in California with their Dad for the week, having a blast I am sure. Miss them, hope they are soaking up every minute of it.